Siesta

I sometimes wonder why I keep starting these blog entries with incidents from my childhood. Perhaps it was when I was young that anything actually interesting happened to me? Yes, that's probably it. Anyway, as a child, I hated naps. My mind couldn't grasp the purpose of sleeping during the day. I had a hard time adjusting to kindergarten standards of the siesta after lunch. That's probably the only time in my life I regularly slept at any time except in the night. According to Wikipedia, my repulsion to this thing was justified and I was supposed to acquire the need for siestas during adolescence. Only I never did. I keep hating sleeping in the day as much as always. I've always rationalised it: I thought that it was a waste of time, which is ironic. I am an individual who really values his time in theory but wastes immeasurable amounts of it in practice, something I am really ashamed of.

So, for today, I tried to do something simple: Sleep for one hour. It was hell. As soon as I lay down to rest, I started thinking what I would write for this blog. Isn't it strange? I'm supposed to report my experience but that was just thinking about the report. I kept thinking about these things. Then, it occurred to me that I do this for all things. I keep thinking and planning about things of the future. This is not a bad thing in itself but shouldn't there be limits? I find myself thinking of things that require no planning. Yet, I keep thinking about these again and again. Then a sudden realisation came to me: Planning something and thinking about it drains your motivation to do it. So, if you plan too much, when the time comes to act you may find all your motivation depleted. I decided that was one great mistake I've been doing and that I shouldn't think so much of my future activities, especially when there's nothing to plan about them and know in advance.

So, I just slept.

As if. This would be the fairy-tale ending to my coming to conclusions about my life and my mistakes. It's funny how books and movies and all that condition people to believe once they reach a great conclusion about the meaning of life or something, then that immediately puts them in a position to act upon it and become better. Well, it's certainly not true for me. Accepting my mistakes and reaching abstract conclusions is the first and shortest part of a journey that only ends when you make habits out of them. And that's truly something.

I will be changing the schedule of this blog to release new content once per week, every Saturday. I'm hoping to return to the regular every-day schedule as soon as October comes.